Thursday, 27 August 2015

  By the railings..maybe..

Some Nights ago...
as i was looking at the cruel scaffolding..
of unattainable dreams..
towering beams..
shadowy themes…
cranes that were towering above my midget frame..
like serpents sly..
a web of concrete and trampled out dreams..
all interwoven into one package deceptive..
by a merciless spider..
of gloomy progress..
and much debated glory…
only then…
at that peculiar instant..
while i was looking across to telepath
to realms honest and unseen…
with the fickle ledge only standing…
a past memory rushed in..
like a gusto of a typhoon fierce…
and slapped me in conscience..
jolted me at that delicate point in my consciousness…
it was of a mischievous face…
an intelligent yet unloved smile…
a blissful yet forever curious expression..
and two very feeble black diamonds…
forever sharp and pierce…
always asking questions..
always thinking of more..
despite having a body tortured by the elements…
a face shacked with pain…
by the unthinking brutality of poverty…
he came back…
brighter than the light of the sun furious…
plain and clear…
just asking me…
in his own rhythmic way…
one very frank question…
principles cringeworthy..
it all seemed on that moonless night..
so swollen and sulky…
a vision without any pity..
a observation without any peace..
i only had
the coldness of steel..
and the bluntness of glass unrepentant..
for miserly company…
and the monotony of it all..
the closeness of it all…
intruded into my zone of comfortableness..
forced me to feel the pain of alienation..
and i was coerced
edged up…
into crossing the flimsy beams of normalcy and
bodily reality..
and telepath myself..
into a realm of ever blooming magnolias..
and forever infinite dream..

yet at that very moment of bliss instantaneous..
when i was about to end my conflicted misery ..
once and for all..
and put an end to
to this needless process..
of affliction and unrewarded sacrificing..
a mirage rushed in like a tornado wounded..
into the empty blankness of my ever dialectical spirit..
and slapped me with a conviction stronger..
than that of the courageous Spartans..
who became immortal for eternity..
while defending the peaks of Thermopylae
and like a omen noble emerging from the toxicity of evil pure…
it reminded me of something very crucial..
something that would change my fate forever..

that mirage was nothing but the impression and universe..
of a little adolescent tennager..
with a worned down face..
wrinkled forehead..
and two black diamonds full of ethereal questioning..
and a mind..
full of wit holistic..
and thoughts unbonded and free..
and although his body…
clearly showed the torturous abuse..
of oppressive poverty..
and a stratified society…
his spirit…
and his laugh…
was always brighter
than the brightest gems from the Queen’s treasury..
and despite facing..
so much avarice and adversities in life..
his voice could never ever be drowned..
by the noise of absurd flattery or deceptive logic…

yet i often insulted him…
and committed the irrational and heartless sins..
of cursing against him..
in fact my silly actions with him..
became a moment of cynical humor..
quite hysterical drama..
and pretty juvenile actions..
to be enjoyed by everybody else..
for their deviant pleasures
and qualified itself to be put up as the next incident newsworthy..
in everybody’s newsfeed…

yet while this brutish soap opera of tears
on one very gloomy day..
when a battle ferocious was raging between the nimbus and cirrus monsters…
he asked me a question…
in a tongue mysterious..
but with intentions perfect…
he asked me…
was I a fence sitter?
a mute acceptor of destiny?..
a audience to the ceaseless killings..?
someone..who just watches…
as the orgy of blood and nonsense continues..
with a heart full of contempt..
but not enough courage..
to ever explode..
and change things….

on that day of light and shadows..
where everything seemed gray..
where everything seemed in between..
and the ashes were feeling colder than usual..
and the rum cheap was taking its full toll..
on my perceptive faculties..
i couldn’t make out..
what he meant to say…
i couldn’t understand with either patience or sanity..
what he was trying to communicate to me….
and despite his attributed illiteracy…
he was smarter than many a honored PHDs..

but now...after much time has flowed…
and lots  being wasted..
in terms of headaches and tears..
as I was about to rectify
the cardinal  mistake of me being alive…
and under tremendous suffering…
i realized what he had actually meant to me
through that complex question…..
through that innocuous yet magical composition..
of letters and pronunciations..
on that unforgettable day...
and that was well…
quite self explanatory in his question itself…
what he wanted to tell me..
on that day day of unpredictable confusion..
was that it was better..
and much more satisfying..
to not be a good and accommodating worshipper..
of all things said and executed by an inherently exploitative society…
and start questioning..
the entire stupidity of created and proscribed identities..
and the contradictory and unbalanced hypocrisy of subjective morality..
and rebel against..
an unnatural order..
of emotions and dreams…

and instead of being just a plaint..
numb audience..
without any opinion worth expressing..
just watching with silenced disgust..
or cryptic aplomb..
the ruthless barbarity.
of voices being muted forever..
and passions being exterminated without any mercy..
by a unconcerned entranced majority…

or just standing by a railing unnoticed..
of some preconceived normalcy…
and just lighting a candle ..
for show and copious displeasure….
without really ever getting affected..
by the extraordinary renditions countless
and the swift encounters happening everywhere around me..

i should  rather become more alive…
and take a position…
even if  that makes me an object of displeasure..
or a  thing of ridicule… in the thoughts of the surrounding society…
for being in the middle ..
really has no value…
not sticking out for what is right…
and  by not revolting against what is inhuman and despicable..
truly proves that i am not deserving of  the much miraculous
and benevolent gifts of an evolution quite extraordinary….
and also convince...both to my own sixth sense..
and to the consciousness of everyone else around ..
that i am nothing but a mere pen pusher…
to be dumped and ignored whenever needed..
by the so called lords of power and politics…
and that i have deliberately chosen to remain quite a predictable zombie ..
for the rest of my allocated share in infinite reality..
with accepted patterns of interactions and behaviour..
and having tagged fabrics..
and auctioned paintings…
as the only entities either created or uncreated.
that i could truly claim..
as belonging to me ..
and me only..

As i realized the significance and worth..
of that pretty much banished audit of mine…
and also became truly appreciative..
of those precious moments..
that until now i always considered ..
as a waste of my stupid existence…
i came to the much surprising conclusion
that until now..
whatever i had committed ..
and whatever i have achieved..
truly had no meaning..
in the bigger scheme of things…
and that i just couldn’t continue any longer
to remain diplomatic without any imprint  or influence of myself
and can’t just give away my hopes and expectations..
for the sake of fulfilling someone else’s conceptions…
and also couldn’t remain blind forever  without any logic..
to the horrors happening all around me…

so i decided….
much to the chagrin of others..
that my body and soul would no longer be a hostel..
for other’s whims..
nor would it  ever tolerate…
the acceptable absurdities…
from that hour onwards..
i would no longer stand at the edge of someone unmarked fence…
and watch on the unfolding action on  the sidelines..
rather i would initiate it..myself
with the goal of unbiased justice..
from outside…
with all my force..
and potential that i have inherited..
from my noble progenitors
and imbibed into me…
by the dance of genes fantastic…
it’s was no longer a maybe…
it rather became a definite...
whether others found it palatable or not…
now after living many a day..
of at least some measure of a desired existence..
i want to earnestly thank..
that little boy..
who enlightened me…
and whose thoughts..
became a savior unexpected..
of my delicate universes..
just when i was about to lose it all..
after just one defeat…
a billion golden thanks to you..
wish i could ever be witness..
to your real name…
and your innermost prophecies…

my thoughts

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