In whose Sunshine..?

the Sun of malice all encompassing..

hits out at me...

from those blinds of copious ignorance..

the roaches seem to have a field day..

with all those scraped out bits...

of ashes forsaken....

my smoked out self...

belittles itself in bubble of projected happiness...

and no words ever come out...

of my fading ink of a malevolent consciousness..

for long the darkness has shackled me into her cord umbilical...

for long the pain of abstractions have glorified my ghastly isolation...

i want to bask in some sunshine of love...

and joys simple and pure..

i want to dazzle and radiate  

in someone's pristine warmth of spring smiles...

dissecting out all those memories of antagonistic piousness...

self pity i want not..

charity i banish away..

what i truly desire...

and wish from the bottom of my entangled pits of thoughtlessness..

is someone's sweet lips..

cherry red with virgin fires..

immaculate with unprompted blossoms..

of the most exotic  passions..

singing away with abandon unworldly..

tunes of hymns...

never composed..

never structured..

only wafting through...

my unseen shadows..

and untended forests.....  

what i honestly require..

what i earnestly need..

what i am ready to trade with my physical existence..

is an ocean of enchanted and uncharted bliss..

sailing through the depths endless...

of a skin soft satin..

full of melancholic satire..

that smiles and protests without a shout of flattery...

what I demand with the full force of all that is signify..

and with the full repudiation of all that i have committed...

is someone's bright dreams..

not bucolic..

 not cynical..

not reserved in feelings...

not bind by values monstrous ...

not bound to relations temporal...

its something undiluted...

omniscient even in the clumsiest of realms..

emancipatory..to even the scrappiest and crustiest of stones..

healing to the most battered of shores..

something infinite..

something intoxicating..

something beyond a mere mortal's restricted horizon...

its the love and empathy of a sunshine..

so overpowering that i dissolve away all taints..

and absolves away  all sins executed with or without regrets..

and excites up all those frozen knots..

of ecstasy wild..

giving it a whole new rebirth..

and a whole new realm to breath once again..

i want to get lost in the sheer enigma of it..

get attracted and attached forever by its entrancing magnetism..

and whither away into a billion shades of  blue green and red...

and disperse away..

like a sweet lingering fragrance of contentment...

resurrected again..

into a avatar of ell encumbering compassion and holiness...

but who is special enough..?

confused enough..

to be my liberator..

to be my master ever magnificent..

to be my devil ever beneficent..

to be my witch and wizard ever intelligent..

to be my dreamer forever mercurial..

in whose thoughts...

i would blossom into a zillion diamonds..

of extraordinary luminance...

and whose aura i would bask away..

like an ancient fulfilled and contented..

and in whose wisdom i would become enriched..

and enlightened enough...

to reject away all those poisonous bonds..

of derogatory materialism..

and dialectical hatred...

and in whose boundless tresses..

would my worlds finally see the light of an non contradictory...

yet chaotic vision...

that does not limit or hurt anyone else....

I seek on for that sunshine...

for those all sacred moments of everlastingness..

that are peaceful..

and not burning..

that give away life...

through harmony...

not violence...

a fairy that lingers on forever..

repressed in some one's else eyelashes..

that would be emancipated..

by my own tortured consciousness ..

and in return bring back from the nether world..

all my hells of omnipotent desires...

and prophetic edifices...

of a winter's  worth off

ever merciful silence.....

my thoughts...

I also seek love...love of the forbidden..

love that will enslave me into absolute freedom...